Bending but not breaking

I've posted about resilience before - but this post is geared more towards being able to push through those hard times, when life seems to be falling apart at the seams or overwhelming. Our last #ptchat was focused on mental health, and just like diversity, I want this conversation to continue.

I recently watched "To Write Love on Her Arms" ~ if you haven't seen it - and you are an educator - you should. It's not a 'feel good' movie by any stretch. However it allows you to take a glimpse - into the lives of those affected and afflicted by addiction and mental illness. Unless you have experienced any kind of trauma or mental health illness of your own, you will watch this movie with blinkers on, missing some key things. So let me share some self reflections (without spoilers). As an educator and as a survivor:

1. You cannot "see" depression.

Unfortunately, it is not always visible when someone is going through a period of depression. Don't expect to see a teary eyed student/adult who breaks when you raise your voice. You see, a unique strength grows inside and grows stronger by the day, allowing those struggling to endure a great deal of sadness, trials and discomfort without showing any signs of breaking.

You won't see self-afflictions or may not notice that your  colleague/friend makes quick trips to the bathroom after every meal. You may not pick up on patterns of misbehavior because it's not on your radar 'yet'. Once you know what to look for - it will be so obvious (like an elephant in the room!)

2. It's not “one and done'.

I was sharing with a friend the other day that it's like being injected with a disease - sometimes symptoms flare up - sometimes they are dormant for years. But you are always "infected"

Don't expect one session or a series of sessions to be the 'cure' for a student's difficulties or outbursts. Some issues may only be triggered years down the line - and you will say to yourself - "I thought we were done with that". Unfortunately, with mental health - it's never done. It's just one day at a time! One day at a time, using tools given to cope.

3. It's never too early to get help!
There is an awful stigma with getting help for issues when it comes to mental health/addiction. My adoptive children have seen counselors for trauma in their childhood (both in Taiwan) and here, because talking things through - allows for layers to be peeled away. The more layers we can peel away - the closer we get to the heart of the issue/s. This process allows us to identify who we really are - and expose our weaknesses and vulnerable sides. It’s painful, but it allows us to begin the healing process.

For the simplest analogy: It's like the process of a scab forming on a cut. It gets really ugly and irritated, and our tendency is to pull that irritation off sooner than it should come off. We want to be done with the discomfort, with the unsightliness of it all. It's the one time that patience and enduring the process pays dividends. We need the scab to restore the tender skin beneath so full rejuvenation can occur.

4. It takes just one person to help.

As adults, leaders, teachers: be visible - make it known often and sincerely who your students can go to to talk. It may not just be the school counselor. I worked in a school once that had a safe zone symbol on the door for a diverse set of teachers who had been through a foundation of training - and had volunteered to be there any time during the day to listen - to connect - to help !

I went to see the Indigo Girls last Sunday night - and while this song isn’t meant for me - and it wasn’t written about mental health - somehow this message is very healing. If we can just connect with one other person and feel supported - we have multiplied life by the power of two!

So we're ok, we're fine

Baby I'm here to stop your crying

Chase all the ghosts from your head

I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed

Smarter than the tricks played on your heart

Look at them together then we'll take them apart

Adding up the total of a love that's true

Multiply life by the power of two

http://twloha.com/