The B word!
Does that even answer the question? How am I?
How many of you have had the same reply: lift those hands up high - c'mon, this is a judgement free zone if you know me by now.
I often told the story of one of the first cultural differences I experienced, immigrating to the US from South Africa at age 18 - was the way in which people interact here. So many people said hello, and looked you in the eye. Perhaps it was one of the 'street smarts' skills we were taught, not to engage with strangers (yes really), but I was astounded by how many people talked to me. How many strangers spoke to me. But then I paid attention to the interchange and it was so superficial~ especially in the grocery line check out.
Clerk: "Hi, how are you today?"
Me: "good thanks! you?"
Clerk "find everything ok?"
Me: "yes thanks"
Did you notice during this typical exchange, the clerk didn't respond with how they were? I was genuinely asking in return, not because of my script. Sometimes I would even say "bad" just to see if it threw them off their script, or once even had a really long winded response. Talk about a 'dear in headlights reaction'. You see, they weren't really asking me HOW I was - it has become a greeting/formality that initiates a conversation between strangers at in informal level that makes you feel welcome. A very clever customers service tactic.
The same happens with colleagues, friends, and even family:
cousin: "How have you been?
me: "so busy, sorry it's been so long since I called you back"
Colleague: "how's your summer going?"
me: "busy, I can't believe it's July 6th already"
Why do I always say busy!~ Is that how I am? Does that make me seem more purposeful with my time. Is that a sincere, authentic answer to the question?
Today I'm striking the word 'busy' from my vernacular. It will not be a pattern of responses, an excuse for not putting people before tasks, for putting family before functions or for
multi tasking and not completing anything (all to remain busy).
Good bye "BUSY". You are not productive, sincere, helpful or my 'blanket monkey' anymore!
hello: a million other adjectives that will reflect how I am - what I'm doing and my purpose for the day.
If you happen to ask me or catch me saying the B word: I will gladly start a B word donation jar to a charity of choice.
To understand the term 'blanket monkey' - see Todd Whitaker's exceptional book titled "Shift the Monkey"
Good video about being The Busyness Trap
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/video/2014/dec/31/too-busy-busyness-trap
Find the time to read these blogs:
@LisaMeade23
Second Chances http://bit.ly/1IZyplU
@benjamingilpin
Stuck on a Treadmill http://goo.gl/Cs0Rc4
That's a good word, Geniene. Because I AM so busy, I need to remind myself to slow down and engage with people, to perhaps share something about what excites me about the work I'm doing or about what matters to me. I almost never have a "heavy, deep, and real" conversation with the grocery clerk at checkout, but if asked, I will say that I'm enjoying spending more time with my family, now that it's summer, then ask him if he enjoyed the July 4th weekend, or has plans to get in some time away from work this summer. Colleagues are genuinely interested in what I'm up to and friends want a quick check-in about what's real.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your posts this week - I hope you are enjoying the work your new position is bringing to you!
Geniene, thank you for this post. I'm going to join you in removing the "B" word from my vocabulary for not only better adjectives but for something more authentic that reflects not only my state but current choices.
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