The B word!

What happens when I don't blog for a few weeks - you get a handful of blogs in two days. I've been thinking about this topic for a few months now actually, because every time I respond to "how are you?" with "busy", I shudder. And I'm the one saying it. So it's time to STOP and reconsider:

Does that even answer the question? How am I?
How many of you have had the same reply: lift those hands up high - c'mon, this is a judgement free zone if you know me by now.

I often told the story of one of the first cultural differences I experienced, immigrating to the US from South Africa at age 18 - was the way in which people interact here. So many people said hello, and looked you in the eye. Perhaps it was one of the 'street smarts' skills we were taught, not to engage with strangers (yes really), but I was astounded by how many people talked to me. How many strangers spoke to me. But then I paid attention to the interchange and it was so superficial~ especially in the grocery line check out.

Clerk: "Hi, how are you today?"
Me: "good thanks! you?"
Clerk "find everything ok?"
Me: "yes thanks"

Did you notice during this typical exchange, the clerk didn't respond with how they were? I was genuinely asking in return, not because of my script. Sometimes I would even say "bad" just to see if it threw them off their script, or once even had a really long winded response. Talk about a 'dear in headlights reaction'. You see, they weren't really asking me HOW I was - it has become a greeting/formality that initiates a conversation between strangers at in informal level that makes you feel welcome. A very clever customers service tactic.

The same happens with colleagues, friends, and even family:
cousin: "How have you been?
me: "so busy, sorry it's been so long since I called you back"

Colleague: "how's your summer going?"
me: "busy, I can't believe it's July 6th already"

Why do I always say busy!~  Is that how I am? Does that make me seem more purposeful with my time. Is that a sincere, authentic answer to the question?

Today I'm striking the word 'busy' from my vernacular. It will not be a pattern of responses, an excuse for not putting people before tasks, for putting family before functions or for
multi tasking and not completing anything (all to remain busy).

Good bye "BUSY". You are not productive, sincere, helpful or my 'blanket monkey' anymore!
hello: a million other adjectives that will reflect how I am - what I'm doing and my purpose for the day.
If you happen to ask me or catch me saying the B word: I will gladly start a B word donation jar to a charity of choice.


To understand the term 'blanket monkey' - see Todd Whitaker's exceptional book titled "Shift the Monkey"

Good video about being The Busyness Trap
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/video/2014/dec/31/too-busy-busyness-trap

Find the time to read these blogs:
 14 hours ago
New York, USA
Second Chances

@benjamingilpin
Stuck on a Treadmill http://goo.gl/Cs0Rc4

Comments

  1. Mary Ann StewartJuly 7, 2015 at 8:03 AM

    That's a good word, Geniene. Because I AM so busy, I need to remind myself to slow down and engage with people, to perhaps share something about what excites me about the work I'm doing or about what matters to me. I almost never have a "heavy, deep, and real" conversation with the grocery clerk at checkout, but if asked, I will say that I'm enjoying spending more time with my family, now that it's summer, then ask him if he enjoyed the July 4th weekend, or has plans to get in some time away from work this summer. Colleagues are genuinely interested in what I'm up to and friends want a quick check-in about what's real.

    Thank you for your posts this week - I hope you are enjoying the work your new position is bringing to you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Principal WrightJuly 7, 2015 at 7:34 PM

    Geniene, thank you for this post. I'm going to join you in removing the "B" word from my vocabulary for not only better adjectives but for something more authentic that reflects not only my state but current choices.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"How do you measure a year in the life?"

Image
How about love..........? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvyHuse6buY https://40.media.tumblr.com/15076e176eefe1a2a7138caee69fa67f/tumblr_mlfd1gBlnw1qad707o1_500.jpg One of my ALL TIME favorite musicals - RENT! As this year draws to an end I have to reflect back on HOW I chose to measure this year: it's successes - it's failures, it's moments that have brought me to tears or to uncontrollable laughter. I know for sure that the number of cups of coffee have kept a certain (cough cough K cup company in business). For the first time as an ELL specialist I have had the privilege to work with High School students - which have been my highlight of my day (most days). They have inquired about language, life and have invited me into their homes. The family dynamic has never been so important to me as an educator, after meeting these students - and their families. Isn't that ironic - as we usually see 'hands off' attitudes on either side of the partnership at...
Read more

2016 One Word: Intentional

I returned this past Saturday after spending one week in Taiwan and experienced two of the most emotionally difficult days of my adult life, as well as spending Christmas on a 14.5 hour flight and New Years in a hotel room with my son sleeping beside me. #1: Meeting my new son (Edward- aged 12), sitting in court and committing to be his legal guardian and then having to say goodbye for two or so more months before he joins our family. #2: Then visiting a women's prison a mere 15 minutes away from our hotel with my middle son to see his birth mother. Watching tears stream down first her face, and then his - and having to leave that tiny bleak room, knowing that he may never see her again. It wasn't until Sunday morning when we were taking down our Christmas tree, when my eldest adopted son (James-now aged 18) responded to my almost rhetorical question with a nugget of wisdom I needed to hear again. I nonchalantly asked: "how come it takes so much longer to put this ...
Read more

Finding your way - when the path is covered.

Image
I've been meaning to take a picture of a creek near my house - for well, way before the snow even fell. It's a perfectly meandering creek that seems to take the longest winding way to get to it's destination. I remember learning all about this in geography class in high school (yea, a few decades ago). It fascinated me then and still does today. I love this short animated video to explain why this happens:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8a3r-cG8Wic "...the meandering rivers may seem tame and lazy.... but out on the open plains those stony walls give way to soft soil allowing rivers to shift their banks and set their own ever changing courses to the sea. Courses that almost never run straight " What poetic language to describe the flow of water! And boy does it resonate! I feel like that meandering river out on the open plain this year. Not that I'm on soft soil, in fact my foundation has never been more set. It's just that as roadblocks/obstruct...
Read more